Category: News

Vladamir Nobokov’s Humbert Humbert was a murderous, narcissistic pedophile. Christopher James Hooker is a schmuck.  Humbert Humbert is a fictional character and Hooker is real. Unfortunately, there are more similarities between the two than differences.  Both preyed on the soft flesh of  children to feed their insecurities and their twisted passions. It could be argued they shared a need for control and dominance.  Each had their fill of an adult partner that challenged and befuddled them. Both were handsome and charming.

My point is not to start a witch hunt.  There are many thoughtful and mindful teachers and coaches working hard and respecting the role of mentor to young people.  They derive great satisfaction in earning the trust of the young people that look up to them and they even become better people when they know that a child is watching them for an example of the kind of adult that they aspire to be.

But the reality is that there are Humbert Humberts and Christopher Hookers working with our youth.  Right now there are men (and possibly women, but I don’t have any experience with female pedophiles, so I won’t address them) working in schools looking at your kids with malicious intentions. They will find the sensitive ones, ones with higher than average intelligence who yearn for someone to understand the turmoil that is the adolescence of a sensitive child. Some of these girls don’t have fathers to rely on and some have outstanding fathers. Some of these girls will be popular or outgoing, some will be bookish or shy.  The one thing these girls all have in common is that they are looking for a mentor worthy of their trust.  Teachers and coaches who are trained and employed to guide our children will become their confidantes and  in that intimacy of trust, the Christopher Hookers of the world will strike time and again.

My high school history teacher is one of these men.  For many years, he sought out this sensitive and clever child.  Again and again he found her.  He looked for the proud and intelligent ones, so that when it was over, they would go quietly in shame and keep their stories to themselves.  Their families would be quiet as well, just grateful that their independent daughters had escaped, young enough to heal the damage and all the wiser in the end. Yet their silence enabled him to repeat his crimes time and again.  I know of several high school students he had sexual relationships with, because I was one of them.

History shows examples of powerful men demanding nubile lovers. But our society and our laws forbid it.  Why?  Because that 15, 16, and 17 year old child is exactly that – a child and she must be protected by both society and by law – especially in school. She needs to learn to manage her sexuality in a way that is healthy for her, for her community and her partners, while she learns personhood, responsibility, and who she is and who she might be. She will make mistakes but they are her mistakes to make and she deserves adult advisors  she can trust.

Great teachers and mentors are pivotal in a young person’s development.  Each of us has been affected by that amazing teacher, a kind neighbor, a fantastic relative or some other adult that we could admire and model our behavior after.  If we are lucky, we have had several of those people in our lives who took an interest in us and pushed us to achieve.  We gave those people our most precious gifts; our admiration and our trust. The importance of that relationship and the value of that trust are immeasurable.  Because of this, a violation of this trust on the part of the adult is not just immoral, it is criminal.

My old teacher must be close to 70 now and I’m a happily married woman in my 40’s.  I’m almost exactly the age now that he was when we were together.  If I picture myself pursuing one of my 17 year old students in a sexual manner, I’m never tempted, only baffled.  I understand that he has now raised some teen girls.  I wonder if he thought how he would feel if his daughters were victimized by the adults that they trusted.

Forgiveness means not letting this bother me anymore. My history teacher did have real feelings for me and that I know now that I was, and am worthy of a man’s love and affection.  With time and thought, I’ve forgiven myself and in some ways, I have forgiven him.  It was far from easy. But if in this writing I can and convince one parent to follow her suspicion and counsel her daughter before it’s too late, one school board member to mindfully investigate a story and bring an abuser to justice, if I can bring peace to one young woman who was drawn in by someone who violated the trust of the student/teacher relationship, if I can affect the thinking of a coach who finds himself falling for a minor student and cause him to pause and  and change his course of action, then this post has been successful.

Teen girls may seem sophisticated and sexual and clever, but they are children and they deserve the chance to learn and explore in a space safe from a trusted adult’s insecurities and neuroses.

The teacher or coach is hired to mentor,  guide and teach the children.  That breach of  a sacred public trust must be punished severely and that man’s shame be made public to protect against the eventuality of future victims. As a society, we must honor childhood and protect it.

A very public shame on you Christopher Hooker.  I actively despise your misuse of  children’s trust.  If you are found guilty, may our justice system see your acts as criminal.  My wish is that your children will find mentors who will inspire them and that those mentors respect your children’s trust in a way that you failed to do.

Joell Dunlap

Executive Director, The Square Peg Foundation

Www.everyonefits.org

It’s been a couple of weeks since the amazing event at The Montalvo Center for the Arts. I’m still swimming in a sea of gratitude for the Herculean efforts of Heart of Silicon Valley, the heroic abilities of Jan Holland Malcom, who has had my back in every major event in my life for the last (gulp) 30 years. We had the services of the splendid heart of Peter Finch and the talents of Megan Slankard, Claes Clem, headliner band LUCE and our friend Nichole Schumacher.

There are so many more folks to thank, most especially the 250+ folks who showed up for the party and the concert, the sponsors including Gordon Biersch, Dio Deka, Sarah’s Vinyard and One Brick Volunteers, Martin Ranch Winery, Thor Audio Solutions and Party Helpers. Our volunteers were stellar and the event was a rousing success.

A few folks have asked us to publish my short presentation, it follows:

“Against some very expert advice – I’m famous for disregarding good advice. In fact, Square Peg EXISTS because Darius and I ignored the advice that it couldn’t be done. So I’m leading with the bad news: The bad news is that I’m going to ask you for money.

The good news is that I’m not going to bore you by explaining our methods and philosophies, I’m just going to tell you a few stories about why you need to support Square Peg.

You’ve heard Max tell his story. I never get tired of hearing Max speak, which is a good thing, because Max speaks A LOT! ;-) But seriously, Max is never happier than when he is helping other people. Max doesn’t just impress me, he’s my friend, and he inspires me.

On Tuesdays we spend time with three little boys who happen to be African refugees. They’re orphans and suffer from PTSD. Two of the three have learning difficulties and show tenets of autism. What these boys have seen, we can’t imagine. What’s important is that they boys and they are bursting with boy energy. Rather than force on them the finer points of equitation, we need them to feel powerful and able. We put bareback pads on three of our trustiest horses and Greg, Sigourney and I hopped on and put he boys in our lap. We had the rowdiest, squealing, gallopingest game of tag on horseback our arena has ever seen!

This summer, we finally got a chance to work with the SAGE Project, a program doing outreach for sex workers. We did a day trip for their youth program. Spend a minute with that thought: It’s just what you think: Trafficked. Child. Sex workers. Seven girls came out and we paired them up with seven of our best volunteers. Because there are no accidents, it was interesting to find that our seven volunteers almost exactly matched the ages of the girls from the SAGE Project. Each volunteer had chosen a horse she loved and she worked individually with the girls formerly from the streets. One on one, the volunteers taught the girls how to groom and saddle and ride the horses. There were peals of giggles and at the end, there were tears and hugs. For three hours, these girls got to be just silly girls learning a new skill.

Each of those seven teen-aged volunteers came to be over the next few days and told me how affected they were. Their worlds were larger and more compassionate and open for the experience. This, even by Square Peg standards was a good day.

In August this year, we turned out for our first unofficial match as a interscholastic polo team. We were to play against Cal Poly’s team. They showed up with beautiful horses, shiny tack and team jerseys. We didn’t even have matching shirts. Square Peg with our rescued and donated horses trounced our opponents 16 to 4!

In November, we started working the Horse Boy Method. If you have seen the movie or read the book you know it’s founders, an autistic child named Rowan and his dynamic parents, are amazing. We’ve never worked with a method before. We felt like an island that ignored really good advice and breaks rules; it’s been successful. But now, the doors that we had cracked open were now blown off the hinges! We have the tools to train our horses in collected gaits and movements we thought were only available to world-class dressage horses and now we offer these joyful movements to our kids. The results have us just plain giddy.

You see, when you train a horse, not with the intention of winning ribbons or of re-selling the animal to the highest bidder, but instead, if you train him to carry a child who can’t speak for himself, a child who might have forgotten what joy is, if you can train that horse to bear those children into an adventure, anything is possible.

We have so much more to tell you and so much work to do. Call me, write us a note, or plan a visit. I’m certain that you will never meet harder working people than the staff and volunteers at the ranch. Your pledge goes directly to services to rescued horses and kids who know what it’s like to be a Square Peg. Please come along on this amazing ride as we continue to change the world, one horse and one child at a time.”

Enjoy Bammy winning Luce’s hit song performed for Square Peg’s benefit here:

So much gratitude to all who made this day and the miracle we call Square Pegs possible!

We’re back!  Wiser, inspired and slightly sore. Note to self; you are over 40 years old, it may be time to give up attempting flips on the trampoline (for the record – I stuck the landing).

Ahem.

For those of you who don’t know, we were invited to spend a week at HorseBoy Method, New Trails Center in Elgin, Texas for intensive Master Training with Rowan, Rupert, Iliane and the tribe at the ranch.  Neither Sigourney nor I knew what to expect.  We were both feeling a little bit sheepish leaving the care of all of the kids, critters and volunteers in Greg’s hands for an entire week, but we were so eager to build our skills and find out just why HorseBoy Method resonates so powerfully with autism families, we packed our helmets and boots and shuffled off to Texas.

What we found was pretty darn magical.  The folks at New Trails took us in like family.  Despite hobbling around on crutches with a freshly broken leg, Rupert was there smiling and bursting with enthusiasm, ready to bestow on us all the training our brains could hold.  We saw a group of people dedicated to providing Rowan a universe where he could be safe and where there is  joy in watching him learn in his amazing fashion. In turn, Rowan teaches everyone who spends any time with him. This is a group that truly walks a path of joy and gratitude and it shows in everything they do.

The horses did all that was asked of them with kindness and courage.  They were honestly the happiest bunch of horses I’ve known.  Not just happy, but educated.  We rode laterals, collection and even some airs.  The horses offered these upper level movements not from grinding and stress, but in a spirit of kindness and understanding.  I’m not just impressed, I’m flabbergasted.  And Rupert and Iliane shared training technique and worked us through bringing horses into suppleness and collection and the beginning of passage, half steps and levade.  Truly exciting.

Our evenings were spent around a table sharing thoughts, theory, stories, ideas and food. There are few things more enjoyable than to eat a meal with people while with a common goal to help and to serve.  It became clear that both horses and people live best in community with each other.

Now I’m saddled with the chore of  figuring out what all this means for Square Peg. Approaching the training of horses with the ultimate goal of having those horses be partners with us to reach kids who struggle changes the way you do almost everything with the horse – and the results are mind bending. We have already seen a significant improvement in our horses since Rupert and Iliane came out to train our staff and key volunteers in December. We will also go to work implementing some ideas about the physical environment that our horses live in and that our families ride in to be more conducive to working with LD and DD families (creating more space to run and play for the kids, replacing fluorescent lighting in the clubhouse with something less apt to trigger a response from ASD kids – things like this).

There is so much work to do and we can’t wait to get on it.  Join us if you will.  Here’s a list of some things we are going to need:

• Funds and hands to build a children’s play structure and area complete with trampoline and swingset.
• Funds and hands to do some re-fencing in the sanctuary pasture.
• We need a porch and an outdoor kitchen at our clubhouse/office.
• We need a 21″ to 22″ synthetic Western Saddle.
• We need to replace the lighting in the clubhouse.

Help if you can. Come and be part of this quirky universe. I guarantee that you will love the ride!

Here’s one really fun and easy way you can help – attend our Fundraiser with the Heart of Silicon Valley on Sunday, March 4.  Details and tickets here.

Another way to help is to share this post on your social networks.  Who knows who will read it and be able to be instrumental in helping? Plus, it’s how we reach more autism families who will benefit from what we have to offer.

You can always donate here.

Below is a detailed list of projects we have going.  If you would like to sponsor any of the items below, contact us at joell@squarepegfoundation.org

• $54,000 pays our annual facility rent
• $25,000 feeds the entire Square Peg herd for one year
• $20,000 builds our polo arena, including lights for evening playing, spectator seating and BBQ area
• $10,000 builds a handicap accessible bathroom at the ranch
• $8,000 replaces our old round pen for training and lessons
• $7,500 builds the new pasture including fencing and shelters
• $7,000 pays the annual farrier bill
• $6,000 provides bedding for the horses for one full year
• $5,000 pre-pays our veterinarian for the year
• $4,500 pays our lease for one month
• $3,500 buys 11 tons of feed – this lasts us 65 days
• $3,250 builds our HorseBoy Environment for sensory work
• $2,500 sponsors a HorseBoy summer camp experience for three autistic children and their families
• $1,000 cares for an Off Track Thoroughbred Racehorse for one month including board, feed, shoeing and training
• $500 purchases semi-annual vaccination boosters for the herd
• Every dollar counts!  Any donation you make helps us to turn “I wish” into “I can.”

KBAY’s Sam Van Zandt called Heart of Silicon Valley Founders Jeff Pollock and Yvonne Wolters in for an interview to talk about the great work they are doing at Heart of Silicon Valley.  They dragged little old me along for the ride and Sam gave us all a little bit of time to talk about the work we do.  The show will air Sunday morning February 5, 2012 on KBAY.  You can listen to the show here:

Heart of Silicon Valley KBAY interview

Don’t forget to get your tickets to this winter’s very best show – you don’t want to miss this one!

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“Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It’s that you’re destroying the peg.”
— Paul Collins

Author Susan Salk did a fantastic story on Square Peg horses.

Thoroughbreds ‘lift’ up autistic, disabled kids

By Susan Salk on January 20, 2012

Joell Dunlap was struggling to make her instructions carry across the riding ring, above the din of a howling wind, to her young student who couldn’t quite grasp the concept of holding tighter to reins. Read the article here.

Esther Marr, blogger and columnist for BloodHorse Magazine featured HorseBoy and Square Peg in her latest post.  Read the article here. Here’s an excerpt:

“Most would call Hank a failure as a racehorse, considering he wasn’t even close to being on the board in any of his four starts. He retired with measly earnings of $1,600, which didn’t even surpass his $2,500 yearling auction price.  But Hank simply had another calling in life.

Now, with the help of Dunlap, the gelding is making a huge difference in the lives of children with disabilities. I can’t imagine a more worthy vocation.”

Over a year ago, I submitted a story to a beautiful online magazine Horses For Life.  They published the story last week.  You can read the published version here.

What makes a little girl to wrap a tiny hand around a cotton rope, tug and walk away assuming that 1,000 pounds of muscle, hooves and bone will follow? Is it delusion? Arrogance? Clearly, this is hubris?

Our answer doesn’t matter because the half ton at the end of the rope drops her head and follows that girl. She leaves the security of her food and her barn mates and simply follows that child. No matter how many times I put girls and horses together, this amazes me. It’s one of those little miracles that happens every day of my career and sometimes, just sometimes, I make the time to honor it by watching in wonder.

Every horse story is a story about trust in spite of the evidence. Every horse understands that hope inevitably leads to disappointment, but that trust leads to new possibilities.

Some people will tell you that a horse is dumb. He’s beast of burden that has been bred and broken until he accepts bit and saddle, spur and yoke with a resignation unique to prey animals.

That theory melts away when I send out our 22 year old one-eyed Thoroughbred to teach a student to jump her first fences. He canters lightly to the fence, ears pricked, head slightly tilted to see the jump properly. He knows he could go around. He knows he could stop. But he never, ever does. He slows himself down after that fence and basks in the hugs and pats bestowed on him by the child on his back. She’s got pink cheeks from the excitement and she’s just now taking her first deep breath since the beginning of the lesson. Call this lack of intelligence if you will, I will call it generosity.

There are people will offer to teach you to teach your horse to trust. They will sell you a book, a brightly colored whip (?) and a weekend seminar. They try to unlock the secrets of the horse/girl bond. But it’s not until a girl’s heart has been broken, until her best friend has moved away or until she’s have been shunned by those she thought were supposed to love her that she realizes the depth of effort that it takes for a horse to trust. Only then can she appreciate the fragile beauty of the horse and their power to let us “in.”

People ask me all the time what connects girls to horses. After 25 years of searching, I think I finally know the simple answer; trust.

As girls, we recognize the ability to throw ourselves to the fates without resigning ourselves to defeat. We know how to keep certain parts of ourselves sacred while allowing the rest of us to be controlled, to be led, to be vanquished. Somehow we know in our hearts that the prancing horse in the show ring doing tricks manages to retain her own haughtiness, her own boundaries even while she dances for the crowd. We are forever awed by the fact that our own horse allow sus to climb upon his back and urge him with impatient knees into places where predators lurk.

We ask him to carry us over fences, down paved streets and through the scary corner of the arena. He will allow us to do it again and again. Each ride is an exercise in forgiveness.

This is what bonds women to horses. This is what causes us to forsake boyfriends, money, clean clothes and mall shopping. This simple task of learning to trust is taught by the horse in the most important way; not by lectures, not by assignments and tests, our horse teaches by example. He trusts not with the resignation of the defeated, but with the acceptance of the wise. And he is there to teach us again and again each day, each moment we spend with him.

Some of my least proud moments have come when I have rejected this lesson. I remember riding a young and  flighty thoroughbred filly  who one day would not go around a corner of the arena we had ridden in every day for the last month. I was hot, I was tired, I was impatient and she was adamant. I pulled, I tugged, I kicked, I half halted, I FULL halted, I backed her into the corner to show her who was boss. She bolted forward no matter what. Finally, I hopped off her back, enraged and tired. I marched her into that corner to make her stand. And she stood, and she trembled. With my jaw set, growled at her “see, there’s nothing here!” I was triumphant as I looked into her panting face. I would win this battle of wills. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement. An angry mother bobcat and her babies crept out from behind a tree not eight feet away. The filly was right all along.

Each of us has met the un-trusting horse. We know right away from his eye, from his posture, from his distended nostrils. Maybe he’s been abused, maybe, just maybe, he knows he does not need humans. We are fascinated we need him to trust us, we need him to look at us and see something worthy of his trust, something good. Our favorite stories are the stories where this same horse chooses a human, sees something special that we can’t  see and he crosses the chasm and simply trusts. This is the stuff of daydreams and fantasy. These are the stories that move us.

This trust is so profound that the same horse, on the day when you decide that her legs can no longer carry you, that her back will no longer support you, when her belly can no longer tolerate the dried, processed food that you feed her, lays her beautiful head in your lap as the doctor injects the poison that will stop her heart. She takes one last trusting look at you before she sighs her final breath.