“Is this the mountain you want to die on?”

Wow.

Hmmmm.

Uh, actually; yes.
img_2632Strangely enough, I’m where I want and need to be.  Each day, I wrestle out how to continue my tiny little life’s work.  Sure, there are days when I phone it in, I whine or snivel about how hard it is, how many hours I put in. Or I pine about our families financial implications as a result of me not bringing home any bacon and even investing more time and money into what it is we do.  Truth is, I don’t bring home a paycheck.  I’m a full time plus volunteer.  Right now, I have no health insurance.  Yeah, I know, that’s insane.  My friend Jim is rolling in his grave at the notion. And yet, it’s honestly the mountain I want to die on.  Shuffling up rocky slopes with an unreachable peak, clawing my way hand over hand not to teach horsemanship, but teaching joy and trust.  Yup, that’s what we do.

There is an article in Teacher Magazine (here) about whether or not teachers are empowered.  It poses the question that children can’t learn empowerment from people who are so badly paid and who are in the school system where they are repeatedly stripped of power.

Bullshit.  And several teachers in the article call it.  One of the teachers, the mentor of the article’s author, points out that the students watch everything you do, a very small portion of which happens to be your subject matter.  They watch who you are and how you react.  When you take up the teaching mantle, you are on the stage, stripped of a persona and your students see you for exactly who you are.  Get over it and start modeling the best of what you’ve got.

Who thinks that showing a kid how to clean a horse’s hoof doesn’t make a bit of difference in the suffering of the world?  Oh yeah, that’s me, late at night when I’m trying to figure out how to pay the ranch lease or the horse shoer.  That’s me when I’m honored by a volunteer’s gift of her time and her heart.

It’s time to re-define teaching.  More importantly, it’s time to re-define learning. Each day, I talk to parents who are battling school systems and IEP’s.  They are wrestling with big decisions about where their child goes to school and what services they need.  All the schools are coming under tremendous budget constraints. I hate to tell you but it’s going to get worse. We will have to do more with less.  Teachers will have less resources and more demands.  That means each teacher and each parent will have to learn to entrust the students to own and care for their own education – teach them how  to value what and how they learn.  Folks, here’s the kicker, the part you don’t want to think about; the academic part is only a small portion of what they learn in school. It’s an important part to be sure, but smaller than you think.

I had breakfast with a young volunteer and her mom last weekend.  She’s 13 and hates school.  Well, she likes the kids, she even likes most of the teachers but she refuses to turn in work.  The school is at the end of their rope.  They suggest upping the ante and forcing this young woman to start producing work.  She’s made it clear to everyone that forcing her is going to create mayhem.  Serious mayhem.  The school tells her parents that it’s a life lesson that she needs to learn.  That life is not all about doing whatever you want all the time.  That she needs to learn this now, or it will be even harder the older she gets.

Stop.

Rewind.

So what the school is trying to get across is that work needs to get done, on time and with best effort.  Fair enough.  However, what the student is learning is the bigger lesson: That if someone doesn’t do what you want them to do, you just up the ante until you force them to.  Gosh guys, I think she already knows that lesson and it’s not such a good one.

It seems to me that what this very bright young woman is desperately trying to establish is a sense of self.  She’s refusing to turn in work not because of laziness or impudence but she’s desperately trying to set boundaries of who she is and how amenable she is going to be about who forces her to do what and when.  For her, caving in and turning in work feels like giving up and of being less of her own person as a result. Of course I’m not advocating that all teachers or schools do away with assignments, deadlines and grades.  It’s been tried, with varying results.  But it’s clear that what’s going on here has a lot less to do with book reports than it does with a developing human’s struggle for self-hood.

Profound?  Maybe.  But this is a typical week at Square Pegs.  For each of these stories, there are scores of others. Kids who don’t fit in, or perhaps even more scary, kids who manage to fit in and fade away. These are opportunities to make a real difference.  To teach compassion and joy.  To let the world experience what’s special and beautiful about a person.

So I’ve answered my own question; this is the mountain I’m willing to die on.

Peace out.
j

Powerful Choices

Yesterday, we got news that Mary Hobbs, friend and volunteer extraordinaire, had lost her 12 year battle with cancer. Her husband told me that he had designated Square Pegs as the charity of choice for loved ones to donate to in lieu of flowers. Not cancer research, not the Sierra Club, who Mary had volunteered for for years, but our little horse ranch and school in the canyon. I felt so unworthy and I missed my dear friend Mary.  I felt so much pain for her husband who had lost his valiant life partner. I felt weak and not in control of things.

I canceled lessons, shut off my computer and saddled up for a solitary ride in the woods. I wanted to run to feel powerful again. My little horse tired towards the top of the giant hill and I dismounted and started hiking. We panted up the mountain, side by side and I was lost in thought. I remembered the few times that Mary was feeling well enough just to blow off office work and go for a ride. We would talk about her wonderful family and her travels. She had backpacked all over the world, ridden her horse bareback all over Montara Mountain and had recently taken up painting.

I felt a lot of guilt about canceling lessons for the day. We certainly couldn’t afford it. But I knew that neither Greg nor I could attend to our horses and students completely with the grief of losing Mary so close in our minds. Then I thought about the joy that riding and being with horses can bring to our lives.

I’ve lost three friends/students/volunteers in the last two years and I can remember vividly the last time each I took each of them riding. Each time was a happy memory. I thought about how my ride up the mountain made me feel powerful and free and connected and I have to believe that they felt the same way.

My friend Dave reminded me today that we have a choice to have a wonderful memory make us remember the happiness or to grieve the loss and make us sad. He reminded me that the power of choice is ours alone.

Mary knew that she would ultimately lose her battle with cancer. But she volunteered, she painted, she worked as an usher at the ballet so that she could attend as many performances as she wanted to. She lived bravely and humbly and well.  Today, I choose to celebrate that and to actively do my part to help people feel powerful and free and connected, beginning with me. I have Mary to thank for the lesson. Another gift from a dear friend.

Craigslist Foundation Boot Camp for Non-profits

Joell and I founded Square Peg Foundation in 2004, the same year Craigslist Foundation had their first “Boot Camp for Non-profits.” That first Boot Camp was an amazing experience for me, and since then I have only missed one.

As Craigslist Foundation describes it:

Boot Camp is an inspiring and unique community effort that connects people to the resources they need to help build stronger and healthier communities. Our focus is simple – to connect, motivate and inspire greater community impact.

[From Craigslist Foundation’s Boot Camp]

If you work at a non-profit, volunteer, serve on a board, or have always dreamed of starting something that really matters, you should join us at the Craigslist Foundation Boot Camp for Non-profits! I hope we’ll see you there.

Farewell to Precious Feathers….

Twenty nine years ago, Precious Feathers was born on Lew and Jeanee Conner’s ranch.  Part of a long line of prized Quarter Horses revered for their versatility and solid minds.  She was raised in the Sacramento Valley and trained as a performance/working cow horse.  She went on to raise several babies and was known as a wonderful mother whose babies excelled in the show ring and as working and trail horses.  She taught several of the Conner’s grandchildren to ride.

Feathers in 2008

September 11, 2006, Precious Feathers arrived at Square Peg Ranch with her best friend, Sugar.  Together they were the stars of the barn and the best horses for beginners.  Their patience and excellent training introduced hundreds of new riders to the wonders of horsemanship.

Feathers was quirky, she could never be tied and was always extremely girthy.  She had opinions and she shared them freely.  All of the male horses at the ranch fell in love with her even after her advanced age began to show.  She loved soft brushes and hated baths.  She could be gentle as a lamb with a beginner and yet she was the horse you wanted to be on when you needed to put the neighbors cows back in their pen.

She taught students until this past weekend and then developed a deep cough and a fever earlier this week.  She spent the last couple days of her life eating grass and visitng her favorite horses.  This afternoon she struggled to breathe and we surmised that she had a tremendous amount of fluid in her lungs.  When she started to stagger as she tried to walk, we knew that it was time.  Dr. Ashton Cloninger canceled dinner plans and was at the ranch just as the sun was going down over the hills.  She ate a bag of carrots and a bucket of grain while we stroked and petted her and told her that she would soon be galloping in green fields with her very best friend Sugar.

She was an exception to many of the Square Peg horses.  She had only two homes in her long life and in each home, she was loved, understood and cared for.  She had never had a major injury nor had she been homeless or gone hungry. We should celebrate a long and good life of a wonderful, kind and gentle little red mare.

I wrote a blog post when we lost Sugar in 2007.  Maybe it bears revisiting here.

Humbly,
joell

Guest Blogger – Casey Martinez

Riding horses is my passion. Horses provide a feeling of freedom and power that is rare in the modern world. I have been riding since I was five years old, and I take pride in my devotion and love for the horses. Every week I drive to Half Moon Bay to volunteer at the Square Peg Foundation, help with cleaning and lessons, and spend time riding. I believe there is only one thing better than working with horses; helping others experience horses. I am fortunate enough to share this feeling with a young girl every week. Rebecca suffers from cerebral palsy, making her unable to walk without help. Horses allow her to be a normal kid. I pony Rebecca every week; I ride alongside her, controlling her horse with the lead rope.

This experience not only allows me to help Rebecca but it helps me become a better person. Ponying has taught me patience. I must deal with the different personalities of the horses, as well as Rebecca’s fears. I introduce her to unfamiliar things slowly to keep her feeling safe. Rebecca has also taught me to be appreciative. She has shown me things that I take for granted, from my legs to my sense of humor. Rebecca has taught me to love another person, despite disabilities or handicaps, and to use that love to help overcome difficulties.

Ponying Rebecca has presented me with feelings of accomplishment and pride. I give her the chance to take control of movement, a simple act that she struggles with every day. My experience with horses and my calm, approachable behavior creates a comfortable learning environment where she can get the help she needs. While my job may seem simple, it is really much more. I have learned to be a companion and a friend. My cheerful personality and sense of humor creates a place where Rebecca can feel accepted and safe. I believe it is important to make her feel loved, and I take every chance to make her laugh. Nothing makes me happier than to know that I am providing her with a moment of support and pure happiness that everyone deserves.

Rebecca has given me the chance to share my love for horses and to help her become a part of this lifestyle. I help her fit in to a world where it is difficult to be different. By helping her, I allow her cheerful and optimistic view on life to teach me qualities that will help me succeed. I have learned patience, appreciation, and love. Rebecca’s undying charm and determination have left their mark on me. I recognize the power that I have and my potential to help others.

You can see Casey and her friend Rebecca riding and lauging together here:

Join Us – Square Peg Needs Your Help

I have a confession to make.  Many of you have seen photos of me teaching the kids vaulting tricks, including standing on a moving horse.  My confession; I’ve taught hundreds of kids to do it, but I haven’t done it.  Ever.  Because I was always too scared as a kid to let go and I never trusted the horse or the person holding the longe rope to take care of me.  Every time a student trusts me and the horse enough to try, I’m left breathless.

You see, at Square Pegs, it’s not about what we can teach you.  It’s about believing you can do the impossible and then actually doing it.  We believe that nobody has ever taught a student anything.  Learning comes from within the student.  As a teacher, that’s a really humbling thought.

I could write on and on about all the compassion that we show for the animals here and how that inspires the students.  I could tell you how we all work at the same important, dirty and difficult tasks that it takes to run a ranch with 20+ horses.  The real truth is that the concept of EveryOne Fits is all about the way the animals see us and how that changes us.

Because the horses and other animals don’t care about the label on your shoes, or that you talk with a funny accent, walk with a limp or that you repeat yourself when you are excited.  The barn dog doesn’t care that you spent last night in a homeless shelter, but she does know that you are feeling fearful. The crazy goats will make you smile even if you flunked your spelling test yesterday.

The animals teach us a few absolutes too; that compassion always conquers fear or that some days were just meant for letting the sun shine on your face and for breathing clean air.

I don’t need to tell you that our world is changing faster than ever before.  That our children will inherit a vastly different planet.  The time has come to take a harsh look at how we teach and how our children are taught and what they are learning and what they aren’t.  Rote memory and overfilled classrooms will never teach them to accept themselves and to appreciate their own curiosity.

These animals will.

Our animals are rescues, throwaways, retirees.  Our students deal with autism, homelessness, drug addiction, loneliness and normal teenage angst.  Here’s a quick idea of what Square Peg Horses have taught them:

Seeing the world set out full of disappointment and failure
A blinded truth
I was once blind
But was given a gift
To see through the eyes of a horse

A strength grows over all that is dark
Able to comprehend a person and see only what should be seen
Courageous and triumphant over the world’s complications
Believing I can do anything
Now that I’ve seen through the eyes of a believer
My life saving gift from a little grey horse.

from Through the Eyes of a Believer by Natalia Feliz

If someone needs a helping hand, the
animals will be there.
If someone feels restricted and isolated,
an animal will encourage them

written by Amy Bell

A HORSE’S FRIEND
A horse’s friendship is like a dream
Brushing his hair
Feeling comfortable
Next to me
Riding on his back
Is like floating in the sky
Why do horses have to die?
Will they go to heaven
Just like us?

submitted anonomously by a Square Peg student

So, with the efforts of the horse, the staff, some fantastic volunteers, we strive to inspire people:

to own their education

to own their experience

and ultimately to own their actions.

Because this makes us better people.

Because this is what it means to  turn “I wish” into “I can.”

I humbly ask you to join us in this work by your support as we change our world one horse, one student at a time.

Click here to make a donation.

Thank you.

Guest Blogger – Leigh Jacobsen

leigh-w-jack-2009-01

Leigh lets us know how she feels about Jack, a very special 20 year-old Thoroughbred Gelding at Square Pegs.

I’m not sure of the date, or even how many months ago it was.. but that’s not what’s important. It was a while ago, and it was on a Saturday. I pulled into the parking lot behind the Square Peg barn and a gorgeous, thin, long legged thoroughbred was getting a sponge bath. Of course, being the curious teen that I was, I went to ask Joell who this newcomer was. I was told his name was Tee, with the new name of Jack Jack, who was an ex- show jumper and had recently lost his left eye to chronic uvitis (or something along those lines). Intrigued by the fact that he had only one eye, I went over to help with his bath and check out his “anti-eye.”

At first, I was a bit creeped out by the fact that there was a huge hole in the side of his head and was a bit nervous about the fact that he couldn’t see me. When Joell came up to me and told me I got to ride him, I had some pretty mixed feelings. I was scared, nervous, excited, worried, happy, and a couple others… but then I got on and there was no going back – I was hooked.

This one eyed, short tailed, vigorous horse had wiggled his way deep into my heart after just one short hour. Week after week he wiggled deeper and deeper into my heart and became more and more important to me. Knowing I’m gonna have a one eyed friend waiting to see me on Saturday keeps me going strong, and helps me through tough times.

He’s become more than the horse I ride every weekend, more than the cute brown one in the second stall on the left, so much more than that. He’s become my best friend, my venting system, my therapist, and the love of my life. Although it may be hard to believe, somehow we understand each other on a level I never expected.

I’ve loved horses in the past, but with Jack, it’s a whole different thing. He has one eye, loves to bolt, and always has sooooooo much energy, but something about the way he looks at me with that one beautiful brown eye is so reassuring. I trust him 100%, now matter how big of a goober he is.

Jack has changed my life in a way different than anything else in the past has. I’m not sure what I would do if I lost him or if I had never met him in the first place. He is so special to me, its hard to put into words. I think the closest way to describe my relationship with Jack is my second half. Even though he can’t talk, he seems to find a way to finish all my sentences, comfort me when I’m upset, and make me laugh ’til I cry. I feel blessed to have ever met such a gorgeous animal, who is just as big of a dork as I am.

I love Jack with all my heart and I know he will always be there for me.

Guest blogger – Farris Scott

Tells us about the love of her life, a 16 year old Thoroughbred gelding named Cometa.

Standing there, still not believing it, I was grooming him for the first time. I still remember the day. It was the first day I meet Cometa. The horse I truly love.

It was a hot summer day, like ever summer is, and it was a Saturday. Cometa had come sometime during that week, but now, I, I got to get the chance to ride him. He is beautiful, with a shiny, soft, bay coat, black legs, and mane, and a star and snip on his face. But also the prettiest eyes, they, of course, are brown, but they are big and loving. And are outlined in black, looks like makeup, and goes out beyond his eyes, on the corner.

He may be a cribber, and always doing that, which causes him to have barely any front teeth, but I still love him with all my heart.

That day I rode him, I knew I would be riding him for a while. He is fun, and easy, but still challenging and makes you learn new things at the same time. I really enjoy going out on the trails with him. And he loves going out there too. But also going in the arena with him too. I have fun jumping, doing bareback, just riding, and playing polo with him=).

In October I had so much fun doing a polo clinic at Woodside Horse Park. And in the hitting cage on the wooden horse my friend Aidan and I named Woody. In the clinic it was so nice working with Wilbur. He is so nice and a good teacher. And before Cometa came to Square Pegs, he was with his previous owner Terri Casey. She owned two other horses as well, Sola and Mercedes. Both of them sweet horses as well. But Terri would play polo with them. So all three of them are really good polo horses.

I know this story doesn’t flow so well, but I don’t quite know how else to put it that I love Cometa and why. He is an amazing horse and I just love going on the weekends to visit and ride him. And I love leasing him. Thanks Square Pegs for giving me this opportunity to do this. Cause I love it, and don’t ever want to stop any time soon.

-Farris


A Day at the Ranch

Yesterday the rain finally moved in. It took its time and had us worried, although we did thoroughly enjoy the warm sunshine of last week. But the wet ground smelled so good as Greg hustled around and found blankets for everyone – except Daisy who refused to be caught in the pasture. Also, no blanket for Gigi who has a giant oozing sore in her shoulder (yuck).

Yesterday, we met the new boss at Hope Services. The fellas from Hope; Sean and Mike impressed him with their stall cleaning skills. The only brave soul to show up for a riding lesson in the rain was Lucas who loved getting a private lesson from Greg and a ride on the fantastic pony, Bob.

From the counseling center came a teen boy to “check us out.” He told his counselor that he liked horses and might like spending time at a ranch. When I showed him around, he wasn’t sure what to make of our little menagerie. But Tucker the hound dog insisted that the boy pet him, and eventually, he did. The boy told me that he had ridden a horse when he was six years old and he liked it. I hope he comes back. He seems like a gentle kid that needs some space to work through what his universe has sent his way to struggle through.
It looks like the rain will be with us for a few days. Maybe now I’ll be able to catch up on 100 emails, and phone calls, tax forms, letters and projects that have all been competing for my attention during the warm weather of last week.
If you are interested in helping out, email me at joell@squarepegfoundation.org We can use help with barn chores, fundraising, bookkeeping, teaching, grooming, community relations, special events and more.


Perfect, warm sunshine.

Another day of perfect and warm sunshine here on the coast. Two weeks ago, our toes froze on a one hour trail ride and this week we ride in shirtsleeves and bathe our hot and sweaty horses afterward. I have spent some panicked moments thinking about drought and global warming and what a mess we have created in the environment, that Alaska is warmer this week than Alabama. But then I realized that griping about or hoping for different weather has never changed how or when the rains come. That wiser people than myself have tried to wish the rains to appear and failed. So I decided to get on my horse, head to the woods and enjoy the fantastic weather. Even better, I got to ride with good friends.

As we stand as a nation on the brink of so much uncertainty, as our toes dangle over the edge of the gorge of change and we veer from abject pessimism back to blind optimism, I know that whatever happens, I will know that I have guided 100’s of children through the beautiful forest on horseback and that they have known the joy and freedom that the experience can provide. And for today, this will have to be enough.

Tomorrow we embrace change, invoke history and move boldly forward as one nation. No matter how scared you are, no matter how you voted, you must keep your eyes open and your mind clear and participate in the democracy that our nation was built on. Not just by holding new leadership accountable for promises made, but by being a part of the solution. These crisis’ that we face will take innovation and a new way of thinking to untangle. It means the Square Pegs of the world will be called upon to find the answers that can’t be found in the round holes.

Peace out.